Christmas Elf

This year’s christmas was especially special for Nick and I. You can guess why – it was the first year we celebrated it as parents!! For 8 years, I prayed every year to have a baby by next christmas. Every new years eve, I would wish for a baby in the coming year. I remember last year’s new years’ eve, hoping that it would be our last childless. For a big part of 2014, I would hope that it was my last childless birthday, easter, mother’s day, 4th of july, etc.

So this year, was the best christmas ever! Even though Alexander is only 3 months old, it was still amazing to see it through his eyes. He loves lights, especially christmas lights on christmas trees. He loves christmas music, which is awesome, because so does his mommy. All of our family was super excited for christmas this year. He got so many hugs, kisses and gifts! His whole room is full of toys – and he loves them. We finally got the big desk moved out and put up all his toys in a play area! 🙂 I look forward to spending many hours on the floor playing with him and watching him play and learn as the years come.

We all know the song from Mariah Christmas “All I want for Christmas is You”… that’s how I approached this year’s entire holiday season. Every year prior to this one, I would have things I’d want for christmas. This was the first year where I didn’t want anything but Alexander. I had no wishes for gifts… Since I had to come up with one, I told ppl to get me Apple Gift Cards since I am getting my new iphone on January 10th (so excited). So that’s what I got… 🙂 Anyhow, I mean to say that this was the first year where I completely understood what it meant to celebrate christmas with everything you’d ever want to have. There is nothing I will need to my life’s end. For the first time in almost a decade I am completely content with my life. I have achieved everything I have ever put my mind to – finding a partner for life, who also happens to be my best friend, relocating myself to the United States from Europe, starting and finishing school, starting my career in Human Resources and fighting for almost 8 years to become a mother. I never thought after discovering our infertility issues that I’d ever have a christmas as a mother. I am so happy that this year’s our wish finally came true. We are finally a family – a family that can start it own traditions for the holidays. A family that has a bond like no other unit. I am the happiest mother in the world to the most beautiful little boy. Alexander, you made the cutest christmas elf this year. I love you to the moon and back. You are my sunshine, always! ❤

Next year, christmas will be so different – Alexander will be 15 months old and I can’t wait to see christmas through his eyes. Life is going to change significantly until then, once he starts rolling over, crawling and then walking… oh boy. I can’t wait!

I hope everyone else had a great christmas as well. There are several friends that have had babies this year and I know it was extra special for them as well. There are several people I know through my blog and facebook groups that are still waiting for their miracles, and I hope that yours will come soon. I know the heartache and the emotions, but I promise you that it is all worth it. There are 2 special friends who have tried to become parents and suffered losses. Both are currently pregnant and I couldn’t be happier for them. I pray for you both every day and I can’t wait to meet your miracle babies!

On a more serious note, I have also thought about Alexander’s birthmother this season. We have been in sporadic contact with facebook and text messages. I am writing more than I am receiving, which is fine, I just hope that she will become a part of his life in the future. She has not responded to any of my messages or his updates since the beginning of christmas. Whatever she’s up to, wherever she is, there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of her and the gift that she gave us. Alexander reminded me of her the other day, he smiled at me and I totally saw her face in his. I really hope that when she said she wanted an open adoption that she meant it.


One thought on “Christmas Elf

  1. Beautifully written. I’m so happy for you! My twins loved this
    Christmas and I know Alexander will have a blast next year. They weren’t quite into tearing paper like I expected but they still had so much fun.
    P.S. I cant’t even remember being able to set them down and walk away. I guess they’ve been mobile too long haha.


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